Podcast Episode 21 - Surrender, Detachment, and Navigating Uncertainty

Today, we are discussing surrender, detachment, and navigating uncertainty. And we're going to talk about manifestation in the process, because I like to think about manifestation often, so it comes up in conversation.

Uncertainty is a very common experience in entrepreneurship. It's because we are always growing. We are always trying new things, and we're always navigating situations that we've never encountered before. There's a lot of firsts when it comes to entrepreneurship. If you're always stretching your comfort zone, you're always on the edge of something, and there's a lot of uncertainty in these areas. And so it's what you do in the face of uncertainty that matters, because uncertainty has such potential to pull you out of your power and make you feel like you're not capable of doing what you're doing in that.

If you're always stretching your comfort zone, you're navigating uncertainty all of the time, and it's important to know what to do in those moments and the actions that you take when you're facing uncertainty really matter, because they can be the difference between taking a small risk that in the moment feels very very large, but ultimately leads you to something even better than where you presently are. It could mean letting go of something that you really love, but is just not quite everything that you were hoping for and everything that you need, and so you're letting go of something that's good in order to hold space for something even greater and something even better.

The inspiration for this conversation came from navigating uncertainty in my own business. I was trying to break my pattern, because my pattern in the face of uncertainty, is to do more, and do more, and do more, and assume that it's still not enough. I can still see that no matter how much I do, it's not enough to get from where I am to where I want to go, or to turn the present situation into something that feels more comfortable. And so when I feel like I'm in this space of I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do, I overthink, I get in my head, and then it's hard for me to take action, but I have this pressure that says I have to take action, there's something that I have to do, I don't want this opportunity to pass me by, and then I spiral.

With the intention of breaking that pattern and navigating the uncertainty that I was experiencing with confidence and calm, I did what I teach everyone that I work with to do, and I took some time. I removed that pressure. I talked myself through that, and reminded myself that I am not under pressure. There is not a timeline. There is not anything specific that I have to be doing right now. I do have time to breathe. I do have time to figure this out, and regardless of what I'm feeling, I'm always given exactly what I need in a moment to navigate the situation and to get from where I am right now, to where I want to go. My power is always available to me. I just need to calm myself down and remember where my power is and remember where my intuition is, and just listen for it. But I can't hear it sometimes if I'm in this cloudy energy of emotionality. 

I was moving my emotions, and I was journaling, and I was communicating with the universe, because that's something that I do in my journals is I just talk to the universe. I talk to the source energy. I talked to God, if you wanted to call it that. I talked to source energy. I talked to the universe in my journals, and I was just in this co-creative process because I've built a relationship with the universe and healing this relationship and building this relationship with the universe has really required me to heal my relationship to masculine energy and my own expression of masculine and feminine energy. I've definitely healed my relationship to feminine energy as well. So, all of the balance, all of the yin, all of the yang I've had to deal with in my own experience.

So I'm in my journal, and I am just talking to the universe, and I am venting to the universe, and just letting out all of the emotions that I have. For me, journaling is an incredible place for me to honor my emotions, put words to my emotions, decide what my emotions are, and that helps to move them through my physical body. That's one of the ways that I can process how I feel is by writing it out. And so writing out how I feel, I'm writing out all of the things that I'm looking at, "Okay, what is this bringing up in me? What traumas, what patterns, what triggers, all of the things; what is this bringing up in me? What is this discomfort? Remind me of?" 

When I was looking at what this discomfort reminded me of, of course it was this relationship to the universe and this relationship to masculine energy in general and men in general, that I've healed. I know a lot of it is that I carry, like I've had one, I married my first boyfriend. I don't have a lot of dating drama or relationship drama, but I do have my childhood experiences with men, and I have my previous lifetimes, of course. I also carry a lot of ancestral patterns that I've been able to work through and heal, so there's been a lot of healing of this masculine energy, and I've been able to go really deep, but there's a lot of distrust.

Growing up, I saw my mother leave a marriage and take care of me and my seven siblings on her own, as a single mother, in a new state, we had just recently moved. What was happening was one of the early conscious or very big, very impactful memories that I have of masculine and feminine energy is that when we get into a crisis, when we're navigating uncertainty, you see where we're getting here, when we're navigating really serious uncertainty, the masculine cannot be relied on, and the feminine has to step in to control of everything, and then play both roles and be overloaded. 

This is the pattern that I've been carrying around in my body. This is the pattern that I've been carrying around in the deep roots of my subconscious mind. This is the pattern that comes up automatically when I'm in that trauma response, because in that trauma response, that uncertainty brings to us, my body responds without my brain. Because my brain is not there. I don't have access to my higher levels of awareness if my body is responding from a trauma response.

Now, this may not be every entrepreneur's experience, but for me, the main uncertainty that caused that big trauma was money in my parents' relationship, and that was a major traumatic topic. Now that I run a team, and now that I'm running a business and I'm doing everything on my own in my company and I'm forging my own path, I am balancing this space where sometimes my feminine gets into this fear or gets into this response, where it doesn't feel like it can trust the masculine.

For me, in the relationship with my business, my business is masculine. My source of income is the masculine. The universe that provides to me through my business is the masculine. And so when I get into a space where I feel uncertain, for me the trigger was, we had spent several months working towards a very specific launch, and we thought it was going to go amazing. We had so much support behind it, and absolutely everything was going according to plan, and I kept just getting all of the synchronicities, and everything was saying, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And then we had zero enrollments, and we've had to completely pivot. Of course, I'm so deeply grateful for the pivot, but the pivot couldn't happen until I released and recognized and tapped into this pattern at a deeper level.

Of course the launch went the way that it went for me to have this opportunity to heal this pattern. Here's another thing about trauma. When you have trauma, your threshold for a trauma response actually lowers. What I mean by this is if you're used to high levels of stress in a certain area, and so for me, this was financial stress all throughout my childhood and up until like two years ago, up until two years ago. So, twentyish something years of my existence. Financial stress has been a main cause of trauma response for me, and it's been a very traumatic topic for me and a very triggering thing in general.

When it comes to money, I have a very low threshold for what's going to trigger my trauma response, because I'm so used to it. If you're used to it, this is what long-term trauma does, is it tells your body, it trains your body to expect a certain amount of trauma. You start to get really good at predicting when the trauma is going to happen, and so if your body is used to it, you look for the pre-signals. That's what conditioning is. You're anticipating a specific outcome because you're recognizing the patterns, and you're recognizing the signs. You're like, "Oh, A plus B equals C. That's coming. That trauma is coming. That stress is coming. It's coming again, so you have to be ready for it." 

My body gets very in this space where something very small can trigger that trauma response. I can be financially stable, and I can be perfectly safe, and perfectly able to pay my team and to continue to run the business that I have for a good while. I know that I'm safe, but because something big didn't go the way that I thought it was going to go, it caused my body to go into this trauma response where I freaked out, and I was like, "Oh my gosh. I don't know what I'm going to do next. I'm a huge failure. I have no idea what to do. I need to overwork. So, how can I overwork? How can I turn this around quickly?"

I was looking for what the next steps were as we do when we're navigating uncertainty. We're in the space of I don't know what the next step is, I don't know what to do here, and we're searching for answers. I found myself searching for answers, and I know that with my undefined head center, my responsibility when I'm experiencing that overthinking, thinking about things that don't actually matter, is to surrender. 

I'm in a situation where I don't know where to go next. I don't know what the next step is, and for me, that brings out all of my undefined G center shadows. I've got all of my non-self themes present and making themselves available to me to help guide me in a different direction, help me translate this into something different. I'm experiencing this, I'm searching for answers, and I'm searching for a sense of direction.

I know that that is my sign to stop searching, surrender, and allow those things to be made apparent to me as I take my steps. When I'm searching for answers, I'm in territory that's not my responsibility. When I am searching for a sense of direction and a sense of identity, I am searching for something that is not in my scope of practice. It's not my responsibility. This is where the surrender chart came in. I got this design idea, as soon as I say, "Okay, I'm letting go of the answers. I'm going to not search for this," I get inspiration because that's how it works. As soon as you let go of that non-self theme and say, "I'm not going to get caught up in this," what you're looking for actually comes to you. Which again, surrender, detachment. You make space for the things to come into your world.

I'm not searching for answers. This idea of a surrender chart comes to my awareness, and so through this surrender chart, I wanted to see everything that the universe is taking care of for me. Everything that is not my responsibility, just to give myself some peace of mind and to give my body something to do, give myself space to breathe. I'm just drawing. I know my chart by memory. I wonder if I can draw it from memory in the exact opposite configuration. Of course I can, because I've spent thousands of hours looking at this chart and understanding it in all of its nuances. 

I'm drawing out this chart, and it was just so beautiful to see that the universe has access to every single center. It has access to all of the themes, so even if I get caught up in doing it my particular way, it doesn't have to look my way. When I looked at this surrender chart, what I saw was how full it is, and just how little I'm actually responsible for. I counted and I realized that I have so many repeating gates in my chart. I have 34, 3 times. I have 17, 3 times. I have 62, twice. I have 18, twice. I have so many repeating gates, 61 repeats twice. I have a lot of repetition, and so the number of actual gates and the number of actual things that I'm responsible for is actually smaller than somebody who has, probably somebody has different gates in absolutely every one of their planetary placements, but you can have up to 26.

I was just looking at this chart and seeing that it's a single definition. All of the centers connect, all of the centers are defined, and all of them connect in some way or multiple ways. There are multiple ways that the universe is able to take one thing and turn it into something else. This just showed me that I'm responsible for so little in the big picture, and it also shows me everything that's undefined is where you get to be surprised. You get to experience the energy of surprise and disappointment. That is the non-self theme of the reflector, and reflectors are in that energy of undefinition. 

We all have all of the types within us, whether it's specifically locked up in a specific gate, or if it's your whole aura, we all have access to all of the type energies. We all have access to all of the authorities. We all have access to all of the traits. It's just going to show up differently. We're all here to surrender to certain things. We're all here to let go of certain patterns. We're all here to experience uncertainty, and so in your undefined energy, that's where you experience uncertainty, and that's where you have to learn to trust that the universe has your back and to trust that you are co-creating this with source energy, and that you are looking out for your best interest, and that the human experience is something that you can play with, and that business and entrepreneurship is something that you're playing with.

If you're playing with entrepreneurship, this is your partner in crime. Myself and the universe get to co-create in the space of business, and so my business gets to have access to the universe, working through it, with this surrender chart. And so I was just looking at, if this is my partner in crime, we can do absolutely anything. We can do absolutely anything, in life or business. But that means that I have to be in one role. I have to be doing my part. 

This brings me back to the masculine and feminine balances. If I am seeing the universe as being the masculine energy, and I'm seeing my business as being the masculine entity that it's bringing forth and supporting me through financial stability, it's creating financial stability with me, I'm going to show up and do my part to create financial stability. But I have to also give the universe a turn, and I have to let the universe take the lead. I see it as a game. I see it as this going back and forth.

If you want to go a step further, I also have the ability to offer invitations. I can create invitations, and I can accept invitations. I can initiate something through informing. I can inform people, and I can be informed. I can respond, and then the universe can respond, and the way that I respond, or the way that I offer invitations, or the way that I initiate or inform is going to be through my definition. Working with my definition tells me which of those strategies to use. Sometimes when we're in a partnership, I'm also going to have to do things that are out of my definition. I have to tell stories sometimes, but I don't have the 11-56 channel, so sometimes it's difficult for me to take ideas and see if they're enriching the conversation, see if they're benefiting the story at all or not. But I have to surrender in that aspect.

Sometimes we're going to have to go through that, and I am the portal for this to be expressed in human form. Sometimes my actions have to be on behalf of the universe, and sometimes the universe is relying on me to be the physical movement that is the universe expressing itself through me. Sometimes I have to take inspired action is what I'm saying, and sometimes that inspired action is going to require me to surrender to what's coming through me in that undefined energy, even though I'm uncertain of it. Even though I'm uncertain of it. 

When I'm telling a story and I'm uncertain if it’s going to be beneficial, I have to surrender and trust that whatever's coming through me at that moment is potentially beneficial. It's potentially enriching, and I get to trust that if other people are bothered by it, if they're able to see, "Oh, that wasn't enriching," then they also are able to see what was enriching from it, and they are able to filter that through their own awareness, and I can be the channel for everything that is coming through me. 

It's okay if I overtalk sometimes. That's who I am. That's what my definition is. I'm still trying to get ideas across. I'm still trying to tell you a story, but I'm going to use my definition to do it, and I'm going to have to surrender to it coming through in other ways as well. I hope that made sense. 

This co-creative chart, this co-creative process. When you're surrendering, you can look at it as if you're playing a game with the universe. I have to trust the universe to work through me. I have to trust that my business is going to provide for my needs, and it's safe for me to do what I do, which is I can get lost in a creative project for a couple of hours. I can get lost in some graphic design. I can get lost in a book. If I want to just be reading, I can take care of myself and do what I need to do. I don't need to compromise my health to step in and overwork. All of this was pretty much the permission slip that I needed to take a break, to take a step away, and trust that I'm going to figure it out.

Whether I figure it out through having a divine download, or whether I figure it out through mentally processing it or emotionally processing it or doing something on my part. So whether I physically do it myself, or if it is given to me in the shape of another person giving me the idea, another person sharing the insight, another person guiding me through that conversation, another person talking something out with me, I'm going to get what I need from the universe, and I'm going to get the opportunity to do what I need to. 

What I mean by this, I'm going to go a little bit deeper here. The opportunities can show up through people. Yes, sometimes they show up and divine downloads and the answers just make themselves apparent in my brain, and I just get this insight, and I just know, but sometimes, most of the time, it happens through other people. But also in other people's presence, I'm able to talk it out and get the inspiration and get the download myself. (If you've listened to the episode I did on inspiration in head center, undefined centers. Go check that out. That's what I'm referencing here a little bit)

I'll give you a solid example actually: I changed my mind. I recognize it was confusing. In my head center, I have gate 61 and I have gate 64 defined, and then those are hanging gates, nothing on the other side of my ajna center connects to these or is defined. If I am trying to solve a mystery, if I'm in my gate 61 and I'm trying to solve a mystery and I'm feeling like I'm going crazy, and I'm really in that energy, I have to surrender to the idea to come through. I have to surrender to the universe to provide that 24 energy, the gate of the 24, which is invention. I'm going to be able to invent a new direction, invent a new approach and invent a new idea. So I'm going to get the idea that's going to excite my sacral center to do something in a new way, through gate 24 when I surrender.

I get to experience the mystery, and I'm like, "Okay, I'm in the mystery. I don't have the answers. I'm in my gate 61 here, and I am deciding that I am not crazy. I'm inspired. I'm open to being inspired. I'm open to letting myself be inspired," and so if I feel like I'm going crazy, I'm going to fanatically try and solve it. If I feel like, and I label it as I'm open to this being inspiration, I'm open to it being an inspiration, and if it is inspiration, the inventive idea does come through as well. I'll understand. I'll be able to process it through my definition.

These inventive ideas can come to me through other people, and other people are the universe in 3D form. Every single person is the universe expressed as source energy. I think we discussed that a little bit earlier, but if everyone is source energy expressed, then the universe can bring you that gate 24. My husband has gate 24. He's very inventive. I get ideas from my team. They share inventive ideas, and they share insights that help me solve the mystery and give me the answer that I was looking for and give me that certainty and help me see what I need to do next. They're great at that. It can be a mentor that I'm working with. It could be an Instagram post that I see. It could be something that happens in a fantasy novel, and that's happened to me before. 

If I am doing my part, which is in my gate 61, I am going to be open to inspiration. I'm going to attune myself to the frequency of inspiration. If I'm feeling like I'm going crazy, I'm like, "Nope, I'm just really inspired. There are lots of ideas here, and they're going to sort themselves out. I'm going to figure it out. Okay. I'm going to figure it out," and then I can let go of them, and I can stop thinking about things that don't matter, get out of that nonself theme at the head center, and then I'm able to surrender to the inventive ideas coming through, and this can happen through people. This happens primarily through people. Sometimes it's available in the cosmos, and that's where I get this inspiration from. Sometimes it's just that I'm around certain people. 

I'm able to gain this inspiration from people. I'm able to see the new inventive idea, and then I'm able to take action and do my thing, but this is where it's you go, and then the universe goes. My action is if I don't know what to do next, my action is to attune myself. If I don't see the physical action that I can do, then I'm going to do something internally, so that then I have something physical potentially to respond to. If I go, the universe goes next.

I said, "Okay, I am going to move from the energy of psychosis, into the energy of inspiration. I'm going to hold the frequency of inspiration. That's what I am attuning to here." Because of electromagnetic gates, you're probably going to meet my inspiration with this energy of inventive ideas. Give me something inventive, give me something that I can work with, give me the tangible solution to the mystery that I'm trying to solve. Solve it for me; give me the answers. I get the answers when I make the move of moving from the energy of psychosis into the energy of inspiration. That's my move. That's what I'm going to do. If I don't know what to do next, I attune myself.

Every single time I face uncertainty, I can look at the surrender chart and say, "Cool, this is what I have to work with," and of course, I can change many things internally. I can take multiple turns inside, and each one of those things is going to be responded to by the universe. In my turn, if I don't know what to do next, I attune myself, and then I surrender, and I let go of all of the things that I can't do, and I wait for the universe to make it happen.

This is the game of entrepreneurship. I hope that my perspective was enlightening. I hope that you are inspired and that this game that I play in my head with the universe makes sense to you because it was the exact reframe that I needed at the moment, and I hope that it can also inspire you as well.

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