Podcast Episode 4 - Watch Me Completely Reinvent Myself

I am so excited to talk to you about completely reinventing myself. I've done this a couple of times, where I have lots of change, new location, new environment, new friends, new friend group, new group of people, new everything. As someone with an undefined G center in my human design chart, and specifically because my undefined G center is such a big deal in my human design chart, I would say it's the biggest center for conditioning that I have to work through. It's a big deal, and as someone with an undefined G center, I am what's called geomagnetic. Essentially the environment that I am in, the physical location, as well as the people that I am surrounded with in that location, the energetic environment as well as the physical environment and the people that are around me, really reflects my internal experience of who I am.

That quote of, "You are the average of the five people that you spend the most time with," that's really, really, really true for people with an undefined G center, because we absorb personalities. We mirror personality traits, we mirror the health of the environment that we're in and where we are going, all those things. We mirror that concept of self, that self-concept. Whenever I have a big life change and I'm surrounded by a completely different group of people, I'm immersed in a completely new environment, in the past, it feels like I'm catching up identity wise. It feels like I'm thrown in the deep end, and I have to figure out how to swim. I have to figure out who I have to be. I have to figure out how to navigate this new world and navigate this new environment, and it is really terrifying for my nervous system. My nervous system gets freaked out. My body gets freaked out, and I go into my stress patterns.

My stress patterns are things like getting really controlling around my routines and my habits, or going the complete opposite direction and saying, "I need no routine. I need complete freedom. I can't be tied down by anything," and not being able to commit to anything. I bounce between either extreme of having a lot of control or going into this victimhood mentality, where essentially my energy is saying that I am a victim of the situation, I'm overwhelmed, and I don't know what to do. I will turn abundance and opportunity into this sensation of overwhelm if I am in my shadow patterns, and this is one of the ways in which I hold myself back. We all have ways we hold ourselves back, so I'm just exposing a pattern.

I can bring you through a couple of the really big changes that I've gone through. I was homeschooled almost my entire life. I went to public school for most of the second semester of my junior year and full senior year of high school. A year and a half in public school, before that I was 100% homeschooled, and when I say 100% homeschooled, I mean we got a box of books and a curriculum in the big ass binder every year, and we read books, and we self-studied, and we worked through our workbooks at home. We did devotionals because we were a very religious family as well, and a lot of it was independent study. A lot of it was learning how to educate yourself, and so it taught us time management skills. It taught us self-motivation skills. It taught me how to be a really good student, because if I didn't understand something, I was responsible for figuring it out. I was responsible for either asking for help or for researching it on my own and coming up with an answer, coming up with a way to teach myself that particular topic.

When I was homeschooled, I started competitive sports. Part of the early socialization that I had outside of church groups, outside homeschool family events, was going to competitive sports. That was kind of a shock; how do I show up in a competitive environment? I was a competitive swimmer for a couple of years, and then I did about nine years of competitive gymnastics. I had this really consistent environment with gymnastics, and I actually went to several different gyms because we moved locations a lot. I'm about to move for the 15th time in my life, and in the last couple of years, I've actually been in the same place for pretty much the longest that I've been. I've lived not just local, I've moved around locally as well, but I've also moved across the country.

I was born in Denver, moved to the east coast, we lived in Connecticut for about 10 years, then we moved to Washington state. I've lived on both east and west coast, and in the middle of the United States, and then currently we are back in the middle of the United States in Missouri, and then we will be moving to Florida in about a month.

So, I've lived in lots of different places, and then within each of those places, I've moved around a lot, and I've been involved in lots of different groups. Moving from gym to gym, especially moving across the country, was usually a big culture shock for me. It was also a weird dynamic if I had to move gyms to compete with a different gymnastics team, and then we would show up at similar competitions. It was a weird environment; my undefined G center was very uncomfortable in those situations. It was uncomfortable to go from being a competitive athlete and being homeschooled, to all the sudden deciding midyear I'm going to just enroll myself in high school because I'm no longer competing in gymnastics and being homeschooled is very isolating, and I need to socialize somehow.

That's how I enrolled myself in high school. I got a high school experience before I was thrown into college, and anyone who's gone from those foundational schools to a university or a college, it's a very different setup. Your class schedule is different. Your study habits are different. Your classes are run very differently, so it was a big culture shock there.

A lot of times what happens with these transitions is transitions are really hard for me, and they have been in the past. I'm going to say they have been in the past, they're not as bad now because I've taught myself a lot of these skills. I've learned how to become really good at transitions because I recognize that my identity is probably going to change completely, just because I'm changing locations, just because I'm changing environments, and just because I'm changing social groups. If I can recognize that change is inevitable, then I can proactively start working on who do I think I need to be in that situation? Who do I want to be? I can start processing some of my energy.

As someone who's really defined in their human design chart, I can start thinking things through. I can start processing my emotions and how I feel about things. I can start thinking about what I want out of the situation. I can start moving energy and making sure that I am not stressed when I'm in that situation. I can make sure that everything in my energy is really healthy, and I can make sure that I have gone through the inevitable checklist of non-self themes in the undefined G center that I am going to experience with this transition. I can just work through them before I actually make the transition.

I'm calling this proactive identity work instead of retroactive identity work. In the past, it's been a culture shock. It's been an identity crisis when I shifted to a new situation, and then I feel like I've been thrown into the deep end, and I don't know how to swim. That's where I get to feel like a victim. That's where I feel overwhelmed. That's where I say, "Oh, no, I don't know what I'm doing. I can't do this. I'm in over my head." I pretend to flounder, and it happens in that situation. Instead of doing that, I am mentally talking myself through what I'm going to have to do in that situation, and I'm mentally going through, "If this shadow pops up, what am I going to do about it? How can I deal with it?"

So, one, I'm showing myself that even if the worst thing happens. I will still be able to manage it. I will still be able to work through it. I will still be able to overcome it. I'm just going through my checklist of if this happens, I do this. If this happens, then I do this. If this happens, then I do this. I'm reminding myself that I get to be solid, and I get to be centered in my identity, and I get to show up as "this".

"This" is my favorite word, and it's been really helpful lately as an anchor within my identity. If I get into this energy of I don't know who I am, I don't know what makes me lovable if I'm not relatable, will people still love me, if I'm in a new location are those people going to think that I'm unrelatable based on whatever I've done in my past? Instead of over analyzing that and getting freaked out about everything, I get to say, "Okay, I am this. This is me right now.

Essentially, I play this game where I pretend I am in Freaky Friday, where you wake up in someone else's body. If I look down at my body, I'm like, "Okay, whose body am I in? Who is this? Who is this?" That's kind of the question that I'm asking is who is this, and I'll look down at myself and look down at what I'm wearing, how I appear, I'll just get to know me in the present moment and say, "Okay, this, what do I have access to right now? What do I know right now? What's the best opportunity for me in this moment? What's the most that I can get out of this situation? What's the most aligned thing that my intuition is calling me to do right now?" This gets to be a checking point for me to stop searching for an answer, and remind myself that me being right here, right now and just being present is going to allow my identity to reflect whatever it needs to reflect.

This statement also works well for me in particular because my conscious earth is in gate 20. We have the gate of the now, and the shadow of this is superficial reality, which can show up as either being hectic or absent. Literally, this is what I was talking about earlier. I either get overwhelmed with, "Oh my gosh. Right now is hectic. It's overwhelming. I don't know what's going on. I'm just busy, and I can't handle it," or absent, which is, "I can't commit to anything. I need space. I need to make sure that I have the freedom to just not do anything if I don't want to do it. Those are the shadow frequencies that I get.

The higher frequency is going to be self-assurance, and then we have presence. What I remind myself of, and how I ground my conscious mind, that's how I look at the conscious earth is the grounding essence, it's what's going to ground your conscious mind, and how I ground my conscious mind and how I ground my soul is remembering to get into this energy of self-assurance. I do that by getting present with what's going on right now. That's why the "I am this" strategy really works well for me. I'll go into this, "I am this, this is who I am. This is what's going on right now. I'm in this moment right now. I'm in this body right now. I have these skills and this knowledge at my disposal right now, and this is what I'm going to do with it," and I trust, and I am confident in my ability to do whatever I need to do in that moment.

That is me grounding into the energy of gate 20. That's literally how I will work with that gate. I will use those keynotes to remind myself, to be present in the moment, and that gives me a sense of calming in my mind, and that helps me not be as anxious. It helps me feel a little bit more tethered and a little bit more anchored. That's another reason why this strategy works for me.

Let's really go through all the things that I am doing now to get ready for my next reinvention. In a couple of weeks, I am going to be moving again, and I am moving from the middle of the United States, in the Midwest, to Tallahassee, Florida, and I'm really, really, really excited to be in a different location. There's already an episode if you want to listen to all the things that happened for that house to come into experience and come into our existence, you can listen to that story or read about it in the blog; it's episode three.

After I found the house, I came back and I started visualizing, I'm an inner vision cognition person, so this is how I digest life is visualizing it all first. I also have taste cognition, closed cognition, so I know what I like. I have very specific tastes, and I have a very vivid imagination. I am visualizing going through this house, and I took a video and then I screenshotted the video, so I have pictures of what the house is going to look like. Then I find pictures on Pinterest that are very close representations of the furniture layouts, of the different colors that I like in the rooms, of the windows, whatever it is so that I can start getting a picture of what the environment is going to look like.

I'm starting with environment. I'm starting to really explore the environment that's there. When I was there, we drove around, I got to see the different areas. I got to see the weather. I got to get a feel for the geographical location. Then I've been doing a lot of things like looking at grocery stores, looking at the dance classes that they have in the area. I've been looking at the activities that they have. I've been looking at farmer's markets. I've been looking at local events. I've been looking at parks. I've been looking at lots of restaurants in the area. I'm just familiarizing myself with the environment.

I'm doing this because if I know what's going on there, if I have seen it in my inner vision cognition before I've actually been there, I'm going to feel like I've digested it a little bit better, and I'm going to actually digest life when I get there a little bit better as well. For my undefined G center, it's going to ease some of that anxiety. I'm not going to feel like I'm thrown into a new situation and I'm overwhelmed with the different options, I will already have some sort of familiarity with what's going on, where things are, what kind of things are available. If I know what's available to me, I feel a little bit more grounded, and I know what I can do in that situation.

As I'm looking at the different restaurants, if I have a list of places in mind that I'm like, "Ooh, I think that this sounds really good,'" then it can pop up, and then I can respond to it in the moment. If I've never seen any of the restaurants, if I don't know any of the different options, when we are inevitably moving and we get to that point where we have done so much, we've pushed a lot, we've moved a lot of things, we're really tired, and I am hangry, I won't get mad at my husband, and I won't get frustrated because I don't know what to eat for dinner and I'm overwhelmed by options.

Because I know that's a potential situation that could happen, as a worst case scenario, is in this new location I am going to be overwhelmed by options, I'm not going to know what I want, and it can potentially make me lash out at people around me. That's a fear of mine because I hate making other people uncomfortable with my emotions and my outbursts. As a fear motivation, I'm recognizing that fear, and I am preventing it by going through the options that I have familiarizing myself with the resources that I have, so that in situations when I feel like I don't know what I want, I don't know where I'm going, I feel overwhelmed by the new location and just getting settled in that new space. I will know what options I have. I will already have a list of things in the back of my mind that I can reference, and I can go to.

This works better for me than planning things out, every single step of the way. If I said, "We're going here for dinner on this day, we're having this for breakfast on this day," if I planned everything out that way, something would inevitably go wrong. I would spend way too much time planning and that's one of my procrastination skills, my husband calls them procrastitasks. I love this term. He used this first when I said, "Hey, I'm putting in an offer on this house," and he decided that in order to get ready for the move, he should take the table that we got for free six years ago and refinish it. He sent me pictures of him sanding down the table and taking apart the chairs. He's going to re-stain it and all of this. I was like, "I don't think it's going to look good in our new house," so he said that he did these mental gymnastics to convince himself that this was beneficial to us moving, refinishing this table.

That's kind of what I do with planning. I do these mental gymnastics and I say, "Oh, well if I plan it, if I come up with the perfect plan, then I won't have to make any of the decisions", but inevitably something will go wrong, and I will still have to make those decisions, and I will be frustrated that I spent all of that time planning instead of getting other tasks done.

We started with the Pinterest board, and the Pinterest board is titled, "I am that girl," and I have put all of the things on this board that I am interested in. I'm thinking about new clothing. We are in a different location, which means I will probably be outside more often. New clothing for an undefined G center is a great way to reinvent yourself, so I like to keep a lot of staples, and then I like to experiment with different things as well in my wardrobe. So, I'm excited to experiment with different clothing items, with different styles of dressing.

I have pictures and fashion inspiration on here. I have organization inspiration and lots of home decor things, because my environment's really important to me, and the energy of this new house, it feels really next level. It feels like I'm really stepping into a higher level of abundance. It's a really nice house. It's the nicest house that I have ever lived in, so it's really like a dreamy space to be in, and I get to decorate it from a space of desire and pleasure. I want to make sure that it's functional, that it is fun, that it is everything that I want it to be.

I'm really thinking about how I want to lay out that environment to support me energetically, to support me physically, to support my lifestyle, to support my habits and routines, all of the things. I'm thinking about the environment a lot. I'm thinking about the different habits that I want to have in this place. I want to travel more. I'm really excited to travel more. I'm excited for my husband to have the time to travel with me as well, because I like having a travel buddy. I'm excited to be closer to family because that means that I can host Thanksgiving and other holidays. That means that I get to experiment with cooking because I love cooking. I'm good at cooking. I'm good at baking. I want to experiment with things like cooking pastry. I've been gluten free for 13 years, so I want to learn how to make really good gluten-free pastry. I've got cakes down. I have cookies down, and I think it's time to move on to pastry. That's a new skill, that's a new hobby that I want to be working on a little bit more.

I want to spend more time with my husband, so there's different events and  different activities and different things that I'm visualizing us do together. I have pictures of the really organized things. I already have a spice drawer that's really organized and has the matching jars, and it's beautiful. Everything's organized alphabetically, and they have the personalized labels. I already am pretty organized, but I'm ready to take it to the next level and make it even prettier, because that's fun for me, and I think that really supports this next evolution and this next identity.

I do practice trying new things regularly to make sure that I'm still staying flexible, but I really just enjoy premeditating on things and thinking about things beforehand, and then letting things be everything that I expected and more. The anticipation is really fun for me. It's a fun part of the experience for me and helps me get the most out of it.

So, we started with the Pinterest board where I got all of these different ideas and different visuals for what I'm going to look like, how I'm going to dress, the trips that I'm going to go on, the environments I'm going to be in, the food that I'm going to be creating, the moments and the memories that I'm going to have, all of the different things. I'm starting to get a visual for the moments that really mean a lot for me in this new reality. The details, as a very specific manifestor, it's the details. I'm looking at the different details, and I have this entire Pinterest board that I am ongoingly adding things to. One of the activities that I'm using as part of my manifestation process is adding new things to this list on a regular basis. I've just been scrolling through it. I'm not setting a specific schedule for when I need to be updating it and when I don't need to be updating it. I'm just updating it when I feel like it.

The vision board was the next step. I made a new background for my desktop and for my phone. I took the prettiest moments, the things that I feel like capture the essence of that entire Pinterest board in, the best of the best, and I made it into a vision board on Canva, and then I used these photos as a background. I get to look at it constantly, and it's going to be constantly in my visual field, and that's been a great way for me to manifest things previously. Absolutely phenomenal way for me to manifest things previously. I've also been doing a lot of journaling on this. I've been looking at pulling tarot cards. I've been playing with different kinds of meditation. I'm really just seeing what I need to be letting go of and processing in the environment that I am in, so how can I complete the cycle that I'm in and how can I prepare for what's coming, has essentially been what I've been working through at an energetic level. With this, it's been lots of journaling and it's changing my habits a little bit more. I have realized that looking at my gene keys specifically, my gate 62.1 is my SQ, and this line one really deals with routines, and rituals make me feel safe and stable. To really feel safe and stable in my ability to share my gifts with the world, a routine is really helpful. I've been working at home now for about a year and a half, and I'm ready to consciously choose routines that support me.

For the longest time I had routines and I had rituals that I felt restricted by because they were someone else's idea. They were someone else's restriction. Going to school, I was on someone else's schedule. I had to follow someone else's deadlines. When I was working from home, a big part of my motivation for wanting to work from home, was this freedom that I was going to have, the ability to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I've needed to really give myself permission to surrender fully, to doing whatever I want, whenever I want. What I've realized is that I have guilt most of the time that I am not working. I have a lot of shoulds around "I should be working. I should be working." There's this back and forth of "I should be working, but I'm not," and then when I am working, my energy isn't in it. If I'm genuinely tired, I judge myself for being tired. "You're tired; you shouldn't be tired. You're supposed to have a lot of energy." There's like this back and forth of, "I don't feel like I'm being productive enough, and I feel like I'm not resting enough."

I realized that's probably because I've thrown all of my routines out the window, to give myself that freedom. Now that I recognize that I have full freedom, I have spent over a year, not following a routine, not following a schedule, really just tuning into my rhythms, resting a lot, sleeping a lot, playing with new hobbies, playing with new experiences, getting really obsessive about certain things. When I started reading, there were several weeks in a row, where like two, three days a week, I was reading 12 plus hours a day. I am not kidding. I let myself be really obsessive over things, and I realized that me being obsessive over things leads to me burning out in those things, in those hobbies, and in those experiences. I don't want to burn myself out. I'm looking at sustainability, so sustainability and long-term consistency is more of what's going to keep me stable and make me feel grounded at a really, really deep level.

In this new environment, that is a lot of the guidance that I've been getting. The tarot cards that have been playing with, the charts that I've been reading, the transits that I've been looking at, the guides that I've been working with, the mentors that I've been working with, all of the information that I'm consuming is saying that this new environment is going to be a great place for me to actually create some long-term sustainable habits and routines that support my success instead of limiting it. Previously being on someone else's agenda and someone else's schedule was not great for me, and I felt like I had to make the most of the time that I had. I feel like that was actually the time that I was the most productive and I was generating the most content and I was creating the most content. Some of it was from a space of fear, and I was working a little bit too hard, but that routine and that ritual and that schedule was really supportive for me.

Now that I've experienced both being on someone else's schedule and being a victim to someone else's timeline and being a victim to having no timeline of my own, I've recognized that I like having a little bit of routine. I like having some structure, and that really supports me being in flow and me being able to be creative. This week, I've recorded a lot of podcast episodes because I've put myself on a routine and I've done almost the same thing every single day, and that's been really good. I've gotten a lot done this week, and I felt the best that I have in a while this week, because I'm no longer sitting in this, "I have things to share, but it's not right now, and I don't know how to get into the energy to share it." I now have a routine for getting into that energy and a space for, you just sit down on your record. You just talk because that is what I've been procrastinating. That is what I have been avoiding. That's what I've been getting ready to do better, for sure, but it's also something that I have been avoiding because I know it's going to push me forward.

I've also been doing a lot of embodiment work. The routines and habits that I've been planning to put in place when I move, I've been wanting to do them now. I haven't had the motivation to work out pretty much all winter, and if I have, it's been low intensity walking, low intensity cardio, low intensity yoga, nothing more than 45 minutes. I've just not had the energy, and thinking about the environment that I'm in, it makes sense to me energetically.

I believe change happens at two levels. I believe we have identity work, so we can change at an identity level, and we can change at a behavioral level. Working with both, I've been telling you about a lot of the identity things that I've been working through, and how I stay neutral in my identity. Now let's go into some of the behavioral changes: routines, habits, being a little bit more organized, traveling more regularly, and planning in more rest, more relaxation, and more activities that are non-work related. I'm going to be scheduling in fewer work hours, so that I can bring in more enrichment to my experience and really enjoy the environment that I'm in.

That is a big goal moving forward, and I felt the urge to start setting those behavior patterns now, to start getting on a routine now, even though I'm not in that new environment yet. This is not like "I am doing these behaviors so that I can be this person," I really want that point to be clear. I had full intentions of not working on any of this until I got to Florida. I was going to give myself three weeks of do whatever the fuck I want, and let it happen. Just let myself be in the last few weeks of not having a routine because my schedule will be disrupted anyways with the whole process of moving. So, I said it wouldn't be worth it, but, because I had no expectations of, I have to do it now, I have to start these routines now, I have to start these habits now so that I'm ready. I'm feeling called to create these habits because I've been focusing on just the identity work.

I believe that the identity work and the behavioral work really go hand in hand. If you're not making a lot of progress in one, I will focus a little bit more on the other. That's really it. I was giving myself time. I said I wasn't quite ready to do this behavioral work yet, but turns out I was, because I've been doing the identity work, I've been doing the vision boarding, I've been journaling, and because I've been clearing out anything that needs to be cleared out, and I've really set that intention of working through whatever I need to work through now, so that I can really just be this next version of myself in this new environment, that's also perpetuated me into wanting to create those habits now and getting on that schedule now.

I've been working out in the morning, every morning, and it's starting to go by really quickly. It's not feeling like a chore. I am stretching at certain times. I am winding down in the evening. I'm getting myself on this little schedule, and it's felt really, really good. That's one of the behaviors that's been showing up for me. I've been doing a lot of embodiment work. When I'm creating these habits and routines, I am visualizing myself doing this, in the new home. I am visualizing myself having this routine and being the person who has done this every single day for the past year, and in a new home. That is what I am seeing, and that's who I am being, and that's why I'm embodying, while I'm creating these new routines.

This state that you're in is really important, and so that's why I was saying that doing the habits and the routines so that you get somewhere, you tend to put an expectation on the behavior pattern. If I said that I have to start this routine now, I have to start this daily routine now, so that once I get there, I am already ahead of it. I'm ready for it. If I miss a single day of this routine now, then I'm going to feel like I'm not that person. That whole cycle of doing something now to get somewhere else, just doesn't work for me, and I hate that pattern. I don't do anything to get places, I like to be in alignment with the activities that I'm doing.

I've been doing a lot of embodiment work, while I'm creating these habits, while I've been recording podcasts, while I've been creating content, literally while I'm doing everything, anytime I remember, I am talking about, or I am feeling into, or I am thinking about who I'm going to be in this next space, and how excited I am to be in this new energy. I'm really enjoying the whole moment. For me, this works really well because of my gate, 58-18. It's the channel of judgment, so it's about getting the most out of something. It's about creating change and creating change in a way that is optimizing change. That's really why transitions are fun for me now. It's because now I have a plan. Now I have a strategy. Now I have a process, and it feels like I'm getting the most out of it, and I can enjoy every single moment the most. That's my ultimate goal is enjoying the most out of every situation.

Anyways, I've also been working with specific gates. A lot of the identity work that I do deals with my undefined G center. In my undefined G center, I do have two gates that are defined. I have 25, which is defined consciously, and then 46, which is defined unconsciously. When you have a defined gate in an undefined center, it's going to be a consistent way in which you experience that behavior pattern, or it's a consistent way in which you experience that center energy. Self-concept is what I like to think about when I think of the G center. The G center is that identity center in the middle of your chart. My consistent access is 25 and 46. 46 is the gate of embodiment, and so it's the physical embodiment. This is changing my appearance. This is changing my behaviors. This is changing physically how I look in order to embody that feeling. There are physical changes, but there's also a feeling of vitality in this and how healthy am I? How much am I taking care of myself? It's my relationship to my physical body. For me, I also feel this embodiment energy. It is the energy which I physically feel like I am in, and this might be coming from my emotional center, who knows, but for me, there's a lot of I feel is who I am being.

That's why embodiment work and vision boards work really well for me because it creates the vibe, it creates the sensation, it creates the feeling that I can feel into, and I can tap into, and I can embody. I can embody the version of me who is in that situation and who feels those particular feelings and who feels that energy.

I also have 25 defined. 25, we have the shadow of constriction, and then we have the higher frequencies of acceptance and universal love. I accept who I am right now, and I am embodying the version of me that I am stepping into. With 25, I really see this as, it's the gate of love of spirit, connecting to your higher self. It's really who is the highest expression of me in this moment. When I do a lot of identity work, for me, the consistent ways in which I feel like I can connect to an identity are the embodiment, the feeling, the sensations that I get with a specific label. I label sensations, essentially, I label feelings, and that's how I identify is how I feel in that moment. Then 25, which is essentially am I being my highest self in this moment? I judge myself with that 18-58. I definitely judge myself for not being in my highest expression or I see room for improvement.

I actively work with those gates consistently, and then lately I've also been working with gate 10, because gate 10 is the only mental conditioning gate in my chart. Then, gate 15, because it's the pairing partner for gate 10. This is getting a little bit advanced in human design, so I'm just orienting you in the chart and sharing how my brain works, how I apply human design to life, and if you're confused about something, I'm still going to explain what it means and the things that I'm doing, so just bear with me on any technical language that I use.

I've been working with gate 10 because gate 10 reaches into the G center, and I have gate 20 and gate 34 defined. Both gate 20 and gate 34, reach towards gate 10, and so gate 10 is essentially this bridge and awareness. I am aware, my energy is aware, that if I just had gate 10, or if I just had access to gate 10, then I would unlock or then I would define my G center. It's a space where I am aware that there is a gate there, I'm aware that there's a door there, and I feel like I can't open it. I try and open that gate a lot, and so it's really interesting that gate 10 deals with, it's literally about behavior. It's love of self, so it deals with your identity. It deals with your behavior, and it deals with superiority versus inferiority, if you're judging yourself as better or worse than other people. It deals with just being in general, and it's in your identity center.

The fact that I deal a lot with behavioral work and identity work is just very funny to me with gate 10 being my mental conditioning gate. I've been working with the higher frequencies of gate 10 and trying to embody these instead and really holding space for them. I work differently with defined gates than I do with undefined gates, so it's been a little bit different playing with gate 10, and then gate 15 is the exact opposite of 10. So, 10 and 15 are pairing partners, and so pairing partners means if you were to look at a Zodiac calendar or the Rave Mandala, which essentially just puts the gates on a Zodiac calendar, they are exact opposites. It would be like the north node to your south node, or the sun to your Earth. They are exact opposites. I've been working with the pairing partners because in gene keys, the pairing partners, the shadows pair. They work with each other, and the gifts work with each other as well. They feed each other, they feed off each other. It's like the yin to the yang.

When I'm working with something and I want to find balance with it, if I'm having a difficult time stabilizing it, I will look at the pairing partners so that I can see what energy balances this out. What's the exact opposite of that, because how can I find balance within both of those? Looking at 10 and 15, 10 is about presence, it's about being in the moment, and then 15, the higher frequencies are the gift of magnetism. I have been using a lot of affirmations, and I have been identifying with, "I am naturally magnetic." " I am naturally magnetic." "I am naturally magnetic." "I am charismatic," pulling in my channel of charisma. I really use these terms, and I use the higher frequencies to help me shift my identity.

So, I've been working with those particular gates. I've been doing a lot of affirmations, and then I do a lot of just recognition. I like to see these in myself, and I like to reflect them back to me, and remind myself, "I am naturally magnetic. Here is proof of me being naturally magnetic." These stats here, or this comment here, or whatever it is, I look outside of myself for proof that I am naturally magnetic. I've been working with those particular gates in my G center, and then I've been working with 7, the 1-8 channel, and then gate 13.

I work with program charts a lot. I run human design charts for every program that I create. I have one for my Instagram. That's the same one, it's for my brand and my business; I use that for both my Instagram and my podcast. I use it for both of those, and it's like a partnership. That helps me with my undefined G center identify and figure out who I need to be and how I can help facilitate this idea coming through me. It's chart inception over here is really what it is. It's chart inception. I have charts for everything.

There's a program that's wanting to come through me. It's a big idea, and it's an idea that I've been working with for a little while now. I ran a chart for it, and that particular chart has a 1-8 channel, it has gate 7, and it has gate 13 defined in the G center. I've been working with those particular gates, which means I'm working with everything except gate 2. I'm working with all of the gates in my undefined G center, even though I didn't think about it, for different reasons, and it's been fun, but the goal is to use these gates to wear myself down and convince myself that I can be anyone I want to be.

I've been working with the gates in my G center, and I really like working with these particular gates because it gives me a focus for how I can expand my identity. I've been working with the defined gates in my chart and my G center for a long time, and I've only more recently started working with, within the last six months, I've been more intensely working with the energies of the undefined gates in my G center to help expand my ability to grow. As someone with an undefined G center, I can be anyone that I want to be, and so when I surround myself with the high frequencies and reminders of the high frequencies for these different gates, and I identify with them, I am giving myself something to reflect, and I'm giving myself the ability to operate at a higher frequency in that area. Because if I don't give myself something, if I don't remind myself constantly of the higher frequencies, I will not remember them because I don't generate this energy on my own. With an undefined G center, I can inconsistently generate this concept of self. I inconsistently feel magnetic. I inconsistently feel like a leader. I inconsistently feel creative, and like I'm contributing to group projects or to the collective. I inconsistently feel like I'm able to accurately reflect on things in my past and grow from it. I inconsistently feel receptive. I inconsistently feel like I know how to just show up naturally and comfortably in a situation.

All of these are areas of inconsistency for me, and so if I remind myself of the higher frequencies of those, if I remind myself even though I don't know how to just be all the time, even though I don't feel like I know how to be influential, here's the higher frequency of influence. If I recognize that I have the ability to reflect any of this, I have the ability to learn about any of this, to amplify any of these frequencies, I can self-generate it. I can remind myself of it, so when it's available, I can attune to it instead of feeling frantic and feeling like I don't know what the answers are.

It's similar to, with this new environment, I'm reminding myself when I'm going through the different options that are available for different restaurants in the area, I'm doing the exact same thing with these gates. My concept of self is very fluid, and so if I remind myself, if I go into the spiral of, "Oh my God, I have no idea who I am,",I can remind myself, "Oh, when I'm working with gate 15 and gate 10 right now, so right now I am identifying as naturally magnetic. What does it feel like to be naturally magnetic?" Then I can use that gate 46 in embodiment, and that also makes me feel like I'm stepping into my higher self because I'm using these tools. I'm using these energetic tools to shift my energy, shift my mindset, instead of falling into, "Oh my God. I have no idea who I am," and frantically searching for it. That's an energy leak, and I'm stabilizing my energy by saying, "Okay, cool. Being naturally magnetic is an option. Do we like that option? Cool. Yes. I identify as being naturally magnetic in this moment. Even though that's an inconsistent energy that I generate, I'm choosing it right now, and I have that conscious choice because I've taught myself this, these patterns and this information."

That's what I'm doing. I'm doing a lot of proactive identity work, and my goal when I step into this new environment is to be louder. That's really it. I just want to be louder. I want to speak more. I want to be a little bit more direct in my approach because I found myself procrastitasking, as my husband calls it, planning, over-analyzing overthinking things instead of just showing up and talking. So, I want to create an environment that challenges me to just show up. Challenges me to be a little bit bolder. Challenges need to be a little bit louder, and to trust that I can be loud, and I can speak my mind, and it's all going to work out. Whatever's coming through me, wants to come through me in that moment. Deeper levels of self-trust, deeper levels of self-confidence, deeper levels of self-care, deeper levels of enjoyment and satisfaction, all the fun things are coming in this new environment, and I'm really going to reinvent myself. It's going to be really fun. I love reinventing myself. I love turning into an entirely different person and identifying entirely differently, because that's part of what I get to explore in this lifetime.

I'm so excited for you to see, especially once I actually get there and how I start showing up differently in that energy. I'm really excited for you guys to be able to see just how much our environment does impact us. I'm just so excited to share this with you. Have fun personally growing today!


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